"The sheriff at the gates"

From The Boston Globe's site: how the Bard might have seen the Incident on Ware Street.

Here's a taste:

CROWLEY: Back speaks no man to the Sheriff; I arrest thee!

GATES: Knowest thou who I am? That I am coy with the Daily Beastmistress, Milady Tina? That I am most down with Lady Oprah, the Queen of afternoon tele-dalliances? That I am sworn liege to Dr. Faust, of whom Marlowe wrote? That I unravelest literary mysteries at the Greatest University Known to Man?

CROWLEY: Of Tufts you speak? Even so, thou art under arrest.

[Hat tip: Lee Sigelman at The Monkey Cage]